You can almost feel it, when you realize that your life has stopped following orthodox guidelines and starting drifting into uncharted territory.
At least I did.
Most of the time I try and ignore anything that confronts the reality that I am not in control. I worry about the little things, because the big picture scares the hell out of me.
My problems are a puzzle and if I never put it together, it remains a box full of cardboard shapes. And when necassary I can get up and walk away from them, like leaving the dentist office waiting room.
These days I just go through the motions, not really taking in the fact that things are coming, and coming fast. Because beyond anything I'd ever imagine is what the future holds.
I have always taken nothing as seriously as I should; always thinking that I'll get by and that in the end things will work themselves out. But really, especially at this stage in the game, every decision has a reward and consequence that could potentially affect me for the rest of my days.
And that scares the hell out of me, so I ignore. Which just makes deadlines and obligations creep up faster without any actually thought given to them. Leaving me between a rock and a hard place that just might be another rock, unprepared and scared senseless.